dude i'm inner monologue high
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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