I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
