I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
