God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
