i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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