'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
