her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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