I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
