i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
