you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
