I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Girls should come with a carfax report
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
