i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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