Is it normal to miss your booty call?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
