You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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