Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
