I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
