Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
