It's like God shit irony all over that family
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
