1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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