i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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