im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
