I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
