If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
