Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
