k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
