the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
