I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
