We're like a lot better than the average bears
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
