by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
