I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
