So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
