dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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