Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
