went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
