My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
