know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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