3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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