i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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