More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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