Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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