hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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