its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
