my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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