The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
