u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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