What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
