the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
