she was so not down for the gang bang
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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