Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
