He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is my gift to your gina
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
